New Yorker Caption Contest

I gave up submitting to the New Yorker caption contest after my submissions below were somehow overlooked.

  • I couldn’t defend Enron until they gave me rat stem-cells.
  • Bet you $10 I can eat more cheese than you.
  • Kids say I make the best hand shadows.

  • You know, you look a lot different than your online photo.
  • Walter, I don’t approve of this career move.  You weren’t even funny for an accountant.
  • My ad said “Looking for a man with big bucks,” not big yucks.

  • Sorry to be so picky, but protocol also states that the firing squad must have a pirate, an astronaut, and a ballerina.

  • Did you check our fertility doctor’s credentials?

  • Sometimes I wonder if leading sexual harassment training seminars was really the right choice for me.
  • It’s been awkward since they switched me to the day shift.

About Steve Altes

Steve Altes is the author of several humor books, dozens of humorous adventure essays, and the comedic graphic novel Geeks & Greeks, set at MIT and inspired by MIT's culture of hacking and Steve's own experiences with hazing.
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