New Yorker Caption Contest

I gave up submitting to the New Yorker caption contest after my submissions below were somehow overlooked.

  • I couldn’t defend Enron until they gave me rat stem-cells.
  • Bet you $10 I can eat more cheese than you.
  • Kids say I make the best hand shadows.

  • You know, you look a lot different than your online photo.
  • Walter, I don’t approve of this career move.  You weren’t even funny for an accountant.
  • My ad said “Looking for a man with big bucks,” not big yucks.

  • Sorry to be so picky, but protocol also states that the firing squad must have a pirate, an astronaut, and a ballerina.

  • Did you check our fertility doctor’s credentials?

  • Sometimes I wonder if leading sexual harassment training seminars was really the right choice for me.
  • It’s been awkward since they switched me to the day shift.
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About Steve Altes

Steve Altes is the author of several humor books, dozens of humorous adventure essays, and the comedic graphic novel Geeks & Greeks, set at MIT and inspired by MIT's culture of hacking and Steve's own experiences with hazing.
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