Why does my seven-month-old son have more clothes than I do?
Why does he look like Winston Churchill?
Why do I sterilize his bottles when he’s going to lick my shoe anyway?
Why do people point at him and say “she’s adorable” when he’s dressed in blue?
Why do they bury the scoop halfway to the bottom of cans of powdered infant formula?
Why does his wiener spray like the fountains at the Bellagio the second I get his diaper off?
Why does going on a day trip mean we will need exactly one more diaper than we brought?
Why is my living room floor covered with expensive Baby Einstein toys when the thing he likes to play with most is an empty Wendy’s cup?