Author Archives: Steve Altes

About Steve Altes

Steve Altes is the author of several humor books, dozens of humorous adventure essays, and the comedic graphic novel Geeks & Greeks, set at MIT and inspired by MIT's culture of hacking and Steve's own experiences with hazing.

Welcome to my Blogoir (Blog/Memoir)

I’m a neophiliac, addicted to new experiences. I’ll watch a TV show about people who dive for sunken treasure and for days that’s all I can think about. I pass a funeral home and wonder what it would feel like … Continue reading

Posted in Miscellaneous Jive

Spy For a Day

In The Recruit Colin Farrell plays a top MIT student recruited by spymaster Al Pacino.  I, too, was once an MIT student recruited by the CIA, although my application process involved substantially less sex with Bridget Moynahan. The year was … Continue reading

Posted in Collegiate Capers, Essays, Federal Offenses, Hijinks

Dye Hard

“This is the FBI! Throw down your weapon and come out with your hands up!” My heart races as I huddle atop a tall dresser in the pitch-dark bedroom of the squalid townhouse, clutching my Smith & Wesson. “Last chance! … Continue reading

Posted in Essays, Federal Offenses, Hijinks

Yippie-Ki-Yay, Mr. Falcon

I had no idea my neighbor was a model. Tracy was cute I suppose, but not arresting. Hardly worth peeking at through the Venetian blinds of my upstairs guest room while she sunbathed in her backyard in her amethyst bikini, … Continue reading

Posted in Essays, Hijinks, Show Business Humiliations

Nerdly by Nature

I began as a zygote. A mere one-celled organism, smaller than the period at the end of this sentence. Hardly an auspicious beginning for a being of my towering ambition. My chances for a successful modeling career seemed impossibly remote. … Continue reading

Posted in Essays, Youthful Follies

Naked Ambition

I didn’t always frequent tanning salons, shave my bikini zone, and wear four layers of underwear on the job. But then, I wasn’t always a stripper. Why strip? The Full Monty. I was bugged by the lengths the filmmakers went … Continue reading

Posted in Crimes of the Heart, Essays, Hijinks


Professor Kosta Tsipis, my MIT thesis advisor, had no qualms about biting the hand that fed me. Kosta is a brilliant nuclear physicist, a world-renowned arms control expert, and a major pain in the rectum to anyone who thinks the … Continue reading

Posted in Collegiate Capers, Essays, Space Cases

Big Fun in Little Gravity

I was floating outside the cargo bay of the space shuttle when I lost my grip on the wrench I was bringing astronaut Ron Tanner. Slowly it drifted away from me and pinged off the faceplate of Ron’s helmet. Whoops-a-daisy. … Continue reading

Posted in Collegiate Capers, Essays, Federal Offenses, Hijinks, Space Cases

Bill Clinton Hit on My Wife

Part One: The Den of Iniquity that is Bill Clinton’s Basement Stop me if you’ve heard this before: Bill Clinton’s got an eye for the ladies. I know because he hit on my (then-, now ex-) wife, Barb. Barb was … Continue reading

Posted in Essays, Federal Offenses, Hijinks

Reverend Me

As a life-long atheist, it occurred to me recently that maybe I was missing out on something. Everyone else had something to do Sunday mornings. All I had was sleeping late, coffee, and giving up on the New York Times … Continue reading

Posted in Essays, Hijinks