Author Archives: Steve Altes

About Steve Altes

Steve Altes is the author of several humor books, dozens of humorous adventure essays, and the comedic graphic novel Geeks & Greeks, set at MIT and inspired by MIT's culture of hacking and Steve's own experiences with hazing.

Big Fun in Little Gravity

I was floating outside the cargo bay of the space shuttle when I lost my grip on the wrench I was bringing astronaut Ron Tanner. Slowly it drifted away from me and pinged off the faceplate of Ron’s helmet. Whoops-a-daisy. … Continue reading

Posted in Collegiate Capers, Essays, Federal Offenses, Hijinks, Space Cases

Bill Clinton Hit on My Wife

Part One: The Den of Iniquity that is Bill Clinton’s Basement Stop me if you’ve heard this before: Bill Clinton’s got an eye for the ladies. I know because he hit on my (then-, now ex-) wife, Barb. Barb was … Continue reading

Posted in Essays, Federal Offenses, Hijinks

Reverend Me

As a life-long atheist, it occurred to me recently that maybe I was missing out on something. Everyone else had something to do Sunday mornings. All I had was sleeping late, coffee, and giving up on the New York Times … Continue reading

Posted in Essays, Hijinks

Lots of Leaps, Not Much Faith

It happened the summer after my junior year in college. I was interning in the L.A. office of Hughes Aircraft Company (or, in intern parlance, “Huge Aircrash”), which had arranged summer housing in Loyola Marymount University dormitories. LMU dorms were … Continue reading

Posted in Collegiate Capers, Essays, Hijinks

Nordstrom Is My Closet

As a model I have a dirty little secret to confess. No, it’s not the fact that I found Zoolander hilarious. My secret is about dirty clothes—clothes I buy, wear on modeling shoots, then return to the store for resale … Continue reading

Posted in Essays, Show Business Humiliations

Bullets in the Bonfire

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and my father is from Vulcan. If you need a tricorder jury-rigged or a Class M planet analyzed for its ability to support life he’s your man. But if it relates to … Continue reading

Posted in Essays, Hijinks, Youthful Follies

How to Become an Author

In 1997 I became a published author with St. Martin’s Press. As a public service, I thought I’d share my secrets to making it in this highly competitive field. The sequence of events which brought my Little Book of Bad … Continue reading

Posted in Essays, Show Business Humiliations