Category Archives: Federal Offenses

Spy For a Day

In The Recruit Colin Farrell plays a top MIT student recruited by spymaster Al Pacino.  I, too, was once an MIT student recruited by the CIA, although my application process involved substantially less sex with Bridget Moynahan. The year was … Continue reading

Posted in Collegiate Capers, Essays, Federal Offenses, Hijinks

Dye Hard

“This is the FBI! Throw down your weapon and come out with your hands up!” My heart races as I huddle atop a tall dresser in the pitch-dark bedroom of the squalid townhouse, clutching my Smith & Wesson. “Last chance! … Continue reading

Posted in Essays, Federal Offenses, Hijinks

Big Fun in Little Gravity

I was floating outside the cargo bay of the space shuttle when I lost my grip on the wrench I was bringing astronaut Ron Tanner. Slowly it drifted away from me and pinged off the faceplate of Ron’s helmet. Whoops-a-daisy. … Continue reading

Posted in Collegiate Capers, Essays, Federal Offenses, Hijinks, Space Cases

Bill Clinton Hit on My Wife

Part One: The Den of Iniquity that is Bill Clinton’s Basement Stop me if you’ve heard this before: Bill Clinton’s got an eye for the ladies. I know because he hit on my (then-, now ex-) wife, Barb. Barb was … Continue reading

Posted in Essays, Federal Offenses, Hijinks

Not So Secret

“The very fact that you work here should be kept confidential,” the orientation leader instructed the National Security Agency’s new recruits, my first wife included.  So you can imagine her shock that evening while buying groceries when the teenage checkout … Continue reading

Posted in Federal Offenses